Throughout the course of my working life, I’ve carved out a successful career for myself by making myself as agreeable, as amenable and as available as I could. “Can you host this meeting?” - yes! - “Can you take on this extra project?” - yes! - “Can you attend an afterwork drinks event in order to schmooze a potential client?” - yes! I was a ‘yes woman’ through and through, until I had children. Suddenly I found myself swapping late night laptop sessions for bedtime stories, glitzy events for sing-along sensory classes and negotiating salaries for negotiating nap times. “You can still have it all,” I would tell myself in the moments where I had to leave a crying child to run to a crucial work meeting or while furiously rubbing muddy handprints off my herringbone tailored trousers on the tube.
But the truth is, no matter how determined you are, how capable and how dedicated, juggling the demands of raising children with a fulfilling career can feel like a Herculean task, especially with the often unrealistic expectations placed upon mothers. Whether you're navigating the early years of playdates and packed lunches or supporting your teens through exams and social dramas, finding that balance is key. Though it’s worth noting here, that the balance I refer to isn't a fixed point, but rather a constant dance, a readjustment to the ever-changing rhythms of life. So, whether you’re returning to the workforce or a seasoned mother contemplating your next step, here are the things I wish somebody would have told me during my hardest moments.
So bombarded was I with images of mothers ‘effortlessly’ managing successful careers, perfectly behaved children, and immaculate homes, that truthfully, I was shocked when it became apparent this isn’t a reality for most - even if you have help. This unrealistic ideal sets us up for failure and fuels feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Most mothers I know are swans, gliding between their professional and personal roles, while furiously paddling beneath the surface. The truth is, no one does it all perfectly - something always has to give, sometimes it’s a homemade outfit for World Book Day and sometimes it’s going to be that business trip you’d once have bitten your boss’ arm off to attend. It’s okay not to have all the answers, it’s okay to ask for help, and it’s okay to admit when you're struggling. Striving for perfection on all sides isn’t going to help you achieve balance, but rather burn out.
In the all-encompassing juggling of motherhood and career, self-care often falls to the bottom of the pile. But prioritising your wellbeing is not a luxury; it's a necessity - as my grandmother would say, “you can’t pour from an empty cup”- and going to the shops alone doesn't count. The key here, I’ve found, is to shift your understanding of self-care from being a long, drawn-out, dedicated pursuit (like a slow yoga class followed by brunch and an afternoon of film watching and face masks) to pause points throughout the day: a nourishing lunch from a artisanal deli near the office instead of bringing in the kids’ leftovers, for example, or swapping phone scrolling on the bus for reading a guilty pleasure novel. The more we can pepper our day with sweet moments of nurture, the better we’ll perform in all aspects of our life. This not to say that you should forgo the more indulgent, generous acts of self-care, like a massage, investing in a new set of silk pyjamas or - whisper it - a solo night at a sumptuous country hotel, but rather to break down the notion that there is never time to look after ourselves. There is time, there is always time, if we’re able to tune into micro moments of downtime and lean into the pause.
Becoming a mother with a career forced me to have to put in boundaries at work. At first, I felt uneasy about this, about having to say “no” to certain things in order to prioritise the needs of my children. Over the years though, I’ve learned that setting boundaries is not only crucial for managing the demands of motherhood and a career but also for finding joy in each. For example, if I say “no” to taking on a new project at work when already at capacity, I prevent burnout and make space for focused, high-quality work on existing projects. The feeling of accomplishment from doing a good job, rather than feeling overwhelmed and stretched thin, brings satisfaction and joy, while simultaneously freeing up mental space to be more present with family. Saying "no" isn't about being uncooperative; it's about protecting your time and energy so you can be fully present in both your roles and manage the expectations of those around you.
All this is to say, if you’d hadn’t guessed my stance on this already, that the perfect work-life balance simply does not exist. Instead, we should aim for a dynamic equilibrium – a way of managing the ebb and flow of demands that feels right for us – and a kind inner voice through it all. A fulfilling life isn’t about perfection, after all, it’s about leaning into the twists and turns, into the messy ups and downs and the ever-changing rhythms of life. Some days your laundry is going to pile up while your big presentation sparkles and some days it will be the other way round, neither is a disaster.
